Did I mention that she's cute? :3
Friday, February 27, 2015
Sick or not, don't fuck with my girl!
The room we'd been in before was okay with just one exception. Our neighbor was a fucking pig. He's been here longer than I have, but they've had nothing but problems with him. Especially when it comes to harasssing and stalking females. He has a girlfriend who's as odd as he is. I swear, this chick hasn't washed her hair since I've been here and if they still make queludes, she gets them by the gross...
This guy has always made me uncomfortable, so you can probably imagine what he does to my Lacey. She went to get us Dunkin Donuts this morning, and when she got back, she ran into him. She said he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was staring at her chest and when she got off the elevator (we're on the 3rd floor now) he smacked her ass. She was incredibly upset and I'd had enough. I stormed out of here and went up to his room.
When he answered the door, I asked him if he could come out and talk for a minute. He didn't even hesitate... When he shut the door, I went off to the other side of the hallway and he came over. When he got close enough I buried my foot so far in his nuts, I'm sure his entire bloodline felt it. He keeled over in pain and I pulled a box cutter out of my pocket and flashed it in his face. "Fuck with either of us again, and they come off."
He told on me, but he's got a problem. Nobody here likes him and that wing of the building is one of the few areas that doesn't have cameras. The manager called and thanked me. hehe
This guy has always made me uncomfortable, so you can probably imagine what he does to my Lacey. She went to get us Dunkin Donuts this morning, and when she got back, she ran into him. She said he wasn't even trying to hide the fact that he was staring at her chest and when she got off the elevator (we're on the 3rd floor now) he smacked her ass. She was incredibly upset and I'd had enough. I stormed out of here and went up to his room.
When he answered the door, I asked him if he could come out and talk for a minute. He didn't even hesitate... When he shut the door, I went off to the other side of the hallway and he came over. When he got close enough I buried my foot so far in his nuts, I'm sure his entire bloodline felt it. He keeled over in pain and I pulled a box cutter out of my pocket and flashed it in his face. "Fuck with either of us again, and they come off."
He told on me, but he's got a problem. Nobody here likes him and that wing of the building is one of the few areas that doesn't have cameras. The manager called and thanked me. hehe
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Pink booger sugar...
Up the nose it goes... Don't freak out, anyone. Those three lines are the equivalent of one 30 MG pill. Snorting them just gets them in your blood faster. The two that are uncrushed were just put there to show that this isn't just Pixie Stix or whatever.
The Eye of All Seeing...
Been working on this for a bit and just finished it last night. I'm not over the moon about how it came out, but find me an artist that's ever entirely satisfied with their work and I'll show you someone who's out of ideas...
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Some pictures I've recently taken...
Fresh off the presses.
I just said this in a comment on Lacey's blog, but I wanted to put it here, too. You may have noticed that in the last 1 1/2 to 2 years, I've really broken away from a lot of the bizzarity I've been known for. I'm not above it or anyone that wants to dress that way. I will never be done with wigs, odd outfits or any of it, I just don't feel like that person as much anymore. Most days it's two or three colors, my hair done up and I usually do my Gyaru/doll style makeup. Sorry if that disappoints anyone...
Sort of an evolution of one of my pieces without taking a photo of every single step.(THAT would break the internet!) Lacey got me some art supplies the other day. More coming soon. Gonna go find omnoms now and then make my honey some breakfast. :3
I knew I fell in love with this song for a reason...
Motionless in White:
"Wasp"
January is the color of her skin
February are her lips so inviting
Silk hair as short as her fuse
She's been damaged, she's been misused
Her eyes reflect like the rain on the pavement
I take control, she explodes, sink into her depths
I'm the tremble in her voice when she attempts to speak
Fixate on the frailty
We lie awake and watch it grow
She hesitates to grab a hold
Her body shakes, her breath is cold
To keep her safe is all I know
Her lipstick stains like acid rain
Dissolving away my sense of restraint
The streetlamps burned through the cloak of the fog
Concealing the violence, I've been stung by the wasp
So come to me
No sense of restraint
So come for me
Come with me and disappear without a trace
Criminal, in how I crave the way she tastes
I'm the rapture in her head when she attempts to sleep
It's haunting, she kills me
No time or place to take it slow
And my head aches but I refuse to go
Her face as soft as snow
She looks so lost but she feels like home
Her lipstick stains like acid rain
Dissolving away my sense of restraint
Streetlamps burned through the cloak of the fog
Concealing the violence, I've been stung by the wasp
So come to me
No sense of restraint
So come for me
I will wait endlessly
I will break you carefully
So take me harmfully
You fit so perfectly
I will wait
Her lipstick stains like acid rain
Dissolving away my sense of restraint
The streetlamps burn through the cloak of the fog
Concealing the violence, I've been stung...
Some hurt me again, it's not worth saving
The heart that I've spent my whole life breaking
The windshield cracks through the cloak of the fog
Concealing in silence, I've been stung by the wasp
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
I huffed and I puffed, and I moved the fuck in!
Firstly, thanks to the lovely gentlemen that work here who did probably double the work that I did today. I love my new apartment! Luckily the shit that usually takes the longest (furniture) was already in there, but Lacey and I had that room overflowing with our assorted crap. It took about two hours and I had to take 15-20 inhaler breaks, but it all got in here. Been putting things away since and while it's not perfect, it's fine for now.
I'm taking a break on my nice pullout couch right now, but I've got our dinner cooking and must go check on it. :3
I'm taking a break on my nice pullout couch right now, but I've got our dinner cooking and must go check on it. :3
Monday, February 23, 2015
Hidden sounds of pain: ISOLA - OVER... (Lyrics and song)
Music: tsubaki Lyrics: Hime (Kaya)
I don't have the [power to believe] in anything anymore
The blue sky was too high, my despair so brilliant
Mixed with the depressing scenery, with my slashed left arm
It was all so beautiful, and just a little I cried.
My song no one will hear, my thoughts fallen to decay
It was all so sorrowful, and just a little, I myself derided.
However many lies you told still echo even now
As if they would tear me apart
To think I've become this weak, this worthless
Reaching out in despair I......
If I dig a bit deeper into my arm,
and let the blood flow a bit more
Just a little, I expect I can find
the medicine I've been looking for
As my body begins to fall apart
Pain brings me to a state of dreams
And the setting sun from far away
Will someday be stained with dirt
Yet my song just melted into the blue sky
As I looked like I would crumble then
All that remained was the stale lines
of your broken vow
I don't think I have to go into detail about just how strongly this resonates with me. This has been a song of refuge and relation for many years. Hime/Kaya obviously (at one point, at least) has some problems with self-harm and mental illness. His garage band days (Meties/ISOLA) were wrought with this kind of material. Even into Schwarz Stein, his lyrics were incredibly dark. Put some headphones on and listen closely. You'll hear the pain in his voice and faint sniffling during the pauses between lines.
I don't have the [power to believe] in anything anymore
The blue sky was too high, my despair so brilliant
Mixed with the depressing scenery, with my slashed left arm
It was all so beautiful, and just a little I cried.
My song no one will hear, my thoughts fallen to decay
It was all so sorrowful, and just a little, I myself derided.
However many lies you told still echo even now
As if they would tear me apart
To think I've become this weak, this worthless
Reaching out in despair I......
If I dig a bit deeper into my arm,
and let the blood flow a bit more
Just a little, I expect I can find
the medicine I've been looking for
As my body begins to fall apart
Pain brings me to a state of dreams
And the setting sun from far away
Will someday be stained with dirt
Yet my song just melted into the blue sky
As I looked like I would crumble then
All that remained was the stale lines
of your broken vow
I don't think I have to go into detail about just how strongly this resonates with me. This has been a song of refuge and relation for many years. Hime/Kaya obviously (at one point, at least) has some problems with self-harm and mental illness. His garage band days (Meties/ISOLA) were wrought with this kind of material. Even into Schwarz Stein, his lyrics were incredibly dark. Put some headphones on and listen closely. You'll hear the pain in his voice and faint sniffling during the pauses between lines.
What has happened here?
So I'm out of the hospital and back home. My mom took me to the pharmacy after the hospital and got me all my prescriptions. The cough syrup ended up costing her over $150... Apparently a vast majority of insurance companies have stopped paying for it because of how much it's abused. Who would do such a thing?! >.> <.< Just about everything else was covered including my pretty pink perc 10s. I'll tell Lacey they're a new kind of Skittles, she'll never know.
The title of this post is in reference to the plethora of added stuff I found upon walking in the door. I don't remember there being THIS much here on Saturday! Lacey has more clothes than I do! I don't know if they're all here, but Christ, she has so many video games! O.O; In addition to my Wii U and NGP, we've got 3DS, PS3, and I think she has every regular Wii game ever made... She told me she had a lot, but... Wow! XD I'm not bashing you, honey, gamer girls are teh h0t! :3
We're definitely moving to the apartment tomorrow, I talked to the manager when I got back. I have the keys and I might try and bring some small stuff over tonight. I've got some of the guys that work here coming to help tomorrow. ^^ One more day of Lacey's disaster area won't bug me. You know, because I'm so fucking clean and organized... eh heh.
The title of this post is in reference to the plethora of added stuff I found upon walking in the door. I don't remember there being THIS much here on Saturday! Lacey has more clothes than I do! I don't know if they're all here, but Christ, she has so many video games! O.O; In addition to my Wii U and NGP, we've got 3DS, PS3, and I think she has every regular Wii game ever made... She told me she had a lot, but... Wow! XD I'm not bashing you, honey, gamer girls are teh h0t! :3
We're definitely moving to the apartment tomorrow, I talked to the manager when I got back. I have the keys and I might try and bring some small stuff over tonight. I've got some of the guys that work here coming to help tomorrow. ^^ One more day of Lacey's disaster area won't bug me. You know, because I'm so fucking clean and organized... eh heh.
Cradle Of Filth - Nymphetamine Fix [OFFICIAL VIDEO]
First I'm just gonna say this... If you like this song, that's awesome. It's amazing. But this is NOT a representation of CoF in any way. This band was one of the pioneering acts that made black metal a force to be reckoned with. From the early 90's through the release of Nymphetamine, Dani Filth and company wrote some of the hardest, yet poetic and thought provoking music I've heard.
Then the corporate monolith that is the American recording industry saw fit to market them to teenagers who don't appreciate shit, and unfortunately, it was this song that they did it with. I know, metalheads, this isn't "real" metal, is it? Ah, will nothing please you? No, it won't. Wear your 20 year old t-shirts, grow your greasy hair as long as you can, live in daddy's basement until you die and debate what "real" metal is with DarkLord666 until your fingers bleed... In short, FUCK YOU!
This is symphonic gothic metal. It is a departure from the style they helped shape, but that doesn't mean it's not good. What really isn't good is everything after Nymphetamine. I haven't enjoyed any of it! I started watching the video for Lilith Immaculate and Dani cut his hair and looked like he'd just come from auditioning for Insane Clown Posse! What the fuck... Oh, the song sucked, too.
Anyway, hope you like it. Female vocalist/blonde in the video is Liv Kristine (Leaves' Eyes/Theater of Tragedy) This video has such amazing aesthetics... :3
Juliet! You slut!
I leave you for a year and you turn into some kitten loving floozy?! XD No, they're adorable, aren't they? That's my sweet little darling, Juliet and my mom's latest adoption, Toast. They're inseparable from what she says. I miss her so much, but will be reunited with her very soon! :3 Ophelia is now losing her sight... She went deaf a few years ago and now this... She's got a vet appointment on Thursday afternoon to see how bad it really is.
Roaming the night... In a johnny...
I pryed the phone from mommy dearest's sleeping hands. I'm slightly more coherent than I was earlier. This place sucks, yo. I was in here with just my mom until they brought in this old bitch dying from something or other. I don't know what they gave her, but she's finally stopped coughing every 23 seconds... Ugh.
I still don't feel good and when I get going with the coughing, me and granny are in concert. (World Tour this summer, if she lives that long...) My mom is staying with me until I get sprung. After I get my prescriptions and some real food, she'll be dumping me off and going to work. I need a fucking cigarette, too. Nicotine patches are bullshit, but I don't think it would be wise to light up... We'll see.
Apparently, I've been hitting on and flirting with those that are here to help me. I have no recollection of any of this, but I've got a reputation around here, or so I'm told. Not bad for two days, huh? XD And yes, Lacey knows and no, she's not offended or upset.
Speaking of my ample-breasted cutie, I want to be home with her so much. I know we really can't do much sexually, but a kiss on the cheek and her sleeping cuddled up to me would make me very happy. And her little dog, too! I was promised...things... when she was here earlier. I will never be fucked up enough where I'll forget her promising me special favors. I hope you didn't forget, beautiful... Mwah!
I still don't feel good and when I get going with the coughing, me and granny are in concert. (World Tour this summer, if she lives that long...) My mom is staying with me until I get sprung. After I get my prescriptions and some real food, she'll be dumping me off and going to work. I need a fucking cigarette, too. Nicotine patches are bullshit, but I don't think it would be wise to light up... We'll see.
Apparently, I've been hitting on and flirting with those that are here to help me. I have no recollection of any of this, but I've got a reputation around here, or so I'm told. Not bad for two days, huh? XD And yes, Lacey knows and no, she's not offended or upset.
Speaking of my ample-breasted cutie, I want to be home with her so much. I know we really can't do much sexually, but a kiss on the cheek and her sleeping cuddled up to me would make me very happy. And her little dog, too! I was promised...things... when she was here earlier. I will never be fucked up enough where I'll forget her promising me special favors. I hope you didn't forget, beautiful... Mwah!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
There's blood in my narcotics stream... NURSE!!!!!
Posting from my mom's phone. Please excuse any typos as I've not been this high (legally or otherwise) in quite some time... Doing well but I just want to go home. Please don't anyone stress, but started coughing up a bunch of nasty shit that had a bit of blood in it. They said it happens with bad bronchitis somtimes. They've taken me off the promethazine with codeine and given me the stuff with vicodin in it. Glorious. Getting perc 20s every 6 hours and iv valium constantly. Antibiotics, potasium and regular meds too. Loved the visit from you, Lace. You made my day.:3 Don't fret about not answering my txt, darling. I kno you're concerned and will be home tomm. Food is here then probably more sleep. Thanks to everyone in my life for their sympathies. Love you all.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
BlutEngel - Winter of My Life [Tränenherz Live] [HD]
I love this song sooo goddamn much! It was released as a 500 copies limited single in 2008 and then reworked for the 2009 Schwarzes Eis album. The single sold out almost immediately in pre-orders and it was one of the best tracks on Schwarzes Eis. This is a live performance from the 2011 Tranenherz DVD. You have not lived until you've seen Blutengel perform! They have one of the best live shows of any band ever. I absolutely love Chris and Ulli playing off of one another here. I don't usually care about celebrity romance, and I'm not starting rumors, but if he's not with her, he's a fool... In my honest opinion, she is the best, most dynamic female voice in music today. And the fact that she doesn't prance around half-naked everywhere gives her a very strong allure... :3 Enjoy!
L'âme Immortelle - Dein Herz (Your Heart) (2004)
It's really unfortunate that really grand music videos are seldom made anymore... But with YouTube, at least the old ones can live on. This song is beyond gorgeous. The vocals are beautifully done by both Thomas and Sonja and nobody does sympho-rock like LAI... The symphonic elements were done by the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra and it just lends even more elegance and grandeur to this song.
The video itself is a masterpiece, also. I can only imagine the costume budget alone... Sonja's feathered gown is particularly stunning! It's a piece of miniature cinema brilliance that cannot be missed!
Friday, February 20, 2015
One week down, and hopefully, forever to go. :3
Yeah, celebrating being with a person for a week may be a little silly. But there are marriages that don't last this long, so... Lacey decided to take me out on a little date tonight and it was a very fun time! When she got home from work, she had roses for me! :3 Apparently darling had a hand in this, too, so thank you as well! *hugs*
We went to Yamato Steakhouse, and it is a gorgeous restaurant with amazing food. The people who work there were all super nice to us and we got speedy service, even though it was crowded. The only negative that is worth mentioning actually had nothing to do with the restaurant or its employees. Apparently two attractive women can't have dinner without sending men into a frenzy of repeated staring and whispering to one another like schoolgirls...
If Lacey wants to tell the whole story of why men make her nervous and why she gets extremely uneasy while being stared at and talked about, I'll let her do it when she feels comfortable. I'll just say that she's a very quiet and reserved person who, for the most part, only feels comfortable and relaxed around women. She got up to use the restroom at one point and I just happened to see like 4 guys (some of whom were with their wives/girlfriends) eyes dart to her chest... I followed her to the restroom and I "accidently" bumped a gentleman's table. eh heh He probably stared at my ass as I walked away, but I really don't give a shit...
Anyway, our food was all kinds of yummy! We each got our own meal, but we shared what we got. Lacey had a bunch of sushi, rice and veggies and I got a delicious steak meal. (Apparently they'd run out of chicken fingers...) We were too full for anything else, so we sat and talked until our drinks were gone (I had three glasses of red wine, she just got soda) and then I moved next to her and I kissed my beauty. It wasn't just a peck, I had a full-fledged liplock on her and I even copped a little feel. hehe! After I finally let go and we paid, we came home and topped off the evening with the best sex we've had to this point.
Now she is in the shower and I'm sitting here and pondering the week that has gone by. It was only a simple question that I'd asked her after our first time together; "You gonna leave now?" "Nope. I wanna be snowed in with you." :3
We went to Yamato Steakhouse, and it is a gorgeous restaurant with amazing food. The people who work there were all super nice to us and we got speedy service, even though it was crowded. The only negative that is worth mentioning actually had nothing to do with the restaurant or its employees. Apparently two attractive women can't have dinner without sending men into a frenzy of repeated staring and whispering to one another like schoolgirls...
If Lacey wants to tell the whole story of why men make her nervous and why she gets extremely uneasy while being stared at and talked about, I'll let her do it when she feels comfortable. I'll just say that she's a very quiet and reserved person who, for the most part, only feels comfortable and relaxed around women. She got up to use the restroom at one point and I just happened to see like 4 guys (some of whom were with their wives/girlfriends) eyes dart to her chest... I followed her to the restroom and I "accidently" bumped a gentleman's table. eh heh He probably stared at my ass as I walked away, but I really don't give a shit...
Anyway, our food was all kinds of yummy! We each got our own meal, but we shared what we got. Lacey had a bunch of sushi, rice and veggies and I got a delicious steak meal. (Apparently they'd run out of chicken fingers...) We were too full for anything else, so we sat and talked until our drinks were gone (I had three glasses of red wine, she just got soda) and then I moved next to her and I kissed my beauty. It wasn't just a peck, I had a full-fledged liplock on her and I even copped a little feel. hehe! After I finally let go and we paid, we came home and topped off the evening with the best sex we've had to this point.
Now she is in the shower and I'm sitting here and pondering the week that has gone by. It was only a simple question that I'd asked her after our first time together; "You gonna leave now?" "Nope. I wanna be snowed in with you." :3
Thursday, February 19, 2015
I'm female with a girlfriend... I must be a deviant. *eyeroll*
So Lacey has a bit of a problem with her neck. She was in a car wreck two years ago and she is still suffering the effects. Last night, she took her Soma and her Vicodin and she went to sleep shortly thereafter. I was woken up in the middle of the night by her in complete agony. She's so sweet and she's got such a pretty voice, the sounds of pain and tears do not suit her. I tried helping any way I could. Gave her more pills, held her, and she eventually got back to bed. I didn't.
I was supposed to have a doctors appointment today for my back. But I was too tired to drive and those pills do a job on her, so I called to cancel. I could have gone to sleep at 6:00 AM, but I stayed up so I could let them know I wouldn't be coming. Should've just gone to bed...
Secretary: Signature Orthopedics, can I help you?
Me: Yes, my name is Rachael Wickham and I have an 11:15 I need to cancel...
Secretary: Why are you cancelling?
Me: I was up all night with my girlfriend and I need sleep.
Secretary: *Pause* ...You were with your girlfriend? (I sensed a tinge of sarcasm)
Me: Yeah... Wait! What?! She was sick you fucking cunt! Who the fuck are you to say shit like that?!
Secretary: No, no...
Me: No, fuck you! What? They don't teach professionalism in Haiti?! I'm calling your fucking boss, you goddamn jungle bunny! Go float home with your 37 fucking kids! Yeah, stereotypes suck, don't they?! *Click*
I was supposed to have a doctors appointment today for my back. But I was too tired to drive and those pills do a job on her, so I called to cancel. I could have gone to sleep at 6:00 AM, but I stayed up so I could let them know I wouldn't be coming. Should've just gone to bed...
Secretary: Signature Orthopedics, can I help you?
Me: Yes, my name is Rachael Wickham and I have an 11:15 I need to cancel...
Secretary: Why are you cancelling?
Me: I was up all night with my girlfriend and I need sleep.
Secretary: *Pause* ...You were with your girlfriend? (I sensed a tinge of sarcasm)
Me: Yeah... Wait! What?! She was sick you fucking cunt! Who the fuck are you to say shit like that?!
Secretary: No, no...
Me: No, fuck you! What? They don't teach professionalism in Haiti?! I'm calling your fucking boss, you goddamn jungle bunny! Go float home with your 37 fucking kids! Yeah, stereotypes suck, don't they?! *Click*
This is from the heart...
So for all of my fan(s?) that missed me, my life has taken a turn for the better. The happiness I have felt in the last week eclipses nearly every other happy memory that I possess. My wonderful mother put a beautiful, caring, intelligent young lady in touch with me a week ago today. She sent me an adorable text message and we began conversing and decided to meet up on Friday. We did, and it was instant chemistry. I've never believed in love at first sight, but it happened.
We've hardly been apart since. As much as I love the sex, it is not the only thing that I see in her or this relationship. Yes, she's only 23. Yes, this is all happening at break-neck speed. But you know what? I'm not much for conventional "wisdom." Never have been. There is no law of any sort that says that I can't fall for someone instantly. That after some predetermined amount of time, we can enter a new phase. Things happen how they're going to happen. Lacey professed her love for me less than a day after we met. I wasn't scared off. I didn't think it was too soon. I told her I loved her right back.
We are pretty much living together now, but as of Saturday, we're getting an apartment here. I'd expressed interest in getting one before, but they wouldn't give it to me with it just being me. Not to mention, there was no way I could afford it. But with her paycheck coming in, we can do it.
Before I show her to you, I'd like to say thanks to a few really special people. Darling, for texting the both of us every chance she gets and for being so positive and kind about everything. Also, thank you for befriending her right away, she's so happy to have people who care! :3 Mom, for bringing me my angel. And Lacey herself for bringing me so much happiness... :3
Now, feast your eyes upon the prettiest, cutest, sweetest creature I have ever come across:
We've hardly been apart since. As much as I love the sex, it is not the only thing that I see in her or this relationship. Yes, she's only 23. Yes, this is all happening at break-neck speed. But you know what? I'm not much for conventional "wisdom." Never have been. There is no law of any sort that says that I can't fall for someone instantly. That after some predetermined amount of time, we can enter a new phase. Things happen how they're going to happen. Lacey professed her love for me less than a day after we met. I wasn't scared off. I didn't think it was too soon. I told her I loved her right back.
We are pretty much living together now, but as of Saturday, we're getting an apartment here. I'd expressed interest in getting one before, but they wouldn't give it to me with it just being me. Not to mention, there was no way I could afford it. But with her paycheck coming in, we can do it.
Before I show her to you, I'd like to say thanks to a few really special people. Darling, for texting the both of us every chance she gets and for being so positive and kind about everything. Also, thank you for befriending her right away, she's so happy to have people who care! :3 Mom, for bringing me my angel. And Lacey herself for bringing me so much happiness... :3
Now, feast your eyes upon the prettiest, cutest, sweetest creature I have ever come across:
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Cherry Blossom Diaries - Chapter 2 (Akemi's Confession)
*Editor's Note* This is a magazine of confession's and testimonials and we accept and try to read all submissions. One of my staff put this one in my mailbox with a sticky note that simply had a question mark on it. Upon reading, I completely understood why. I pondered whether this was suitable for our publication and after much personal debate, I ran it. We do not try to pass judgement, but this woman's maniacal actions and disdain for humanity are certainly an exception to our few rules. Oddly enough, shortly after deciding to run this letter, there was a report of a death by "unknown circumstances" and it left me to wonder if it was this woman. Read her submission and judge for yourself.
~Ayame Douzan (Editor in Chief)
Dear CBD,
If you do indeed run my story, if this letter even reaches you, I apologize for the fake name and address. After you read this, I hope you will understand why I had to take these steps.
My name, for this purpose is Akemi. I like that name, I think it's pretty. The name I was given is ugly. I would like to say that there was nothing wrong with my upbringing. I had a happy childhood, both parents loved me and there was no trauma that exceeded anything that any other child would experience. If I am somehow found out, I do not want my family blamed for my misdeeds.
All of this stems from my image. I never thought I was beautiful. As a matter of fact, I was pudgy into my twenties. All of these things that we Japanese women are supposed to be, I was not. The only boys that took interest in me were all unpopular outcasts themselves. I met my husband when I was 26, he was a very kind soul. He had a modest career, but his family was wealthy and well connected. He saw my despair over how I looked, but he thought I was beautiful as I was.
I did nothing about it for the first year. However, I know him and his asshole friends were paying those whores at the hostess clubs just for their time. "Sit with me and keep the money coming. I'll tell you that you fascinate me, shove the body 30 other men helped pay for in your face and fuck you if you pay my rent." Idiot. I started talking to plastic surgeons secretly. I scheduled surgery after surgery and slowly became what I always wanted to be. He noticed at first. He loved my fake tits, the new slender body. Then he stopped caring.
I didn't understand. What was I not doing? I looked like his whores, but his interest was barely fleeting... Then the money that I was spending to look good for him became an issue. Days, weeks at a time he'd yell at me for trying to look good for him! Can you believe that? It became too much. I left for a bit, but eventually went back. After a few days of passion, it just went back to how it was. I was in the tub soaking one night and he came home from one of his clubs. He was drunk, but upset. I got out, put a robe on and asked him what was wrong. In his drunkeness, he admitted that one of his whores told him she was pregnant. Something snapped.
I stormed off in disgust. He followed, acting like I was just supposed to be okay with this. I don't remember all of the argument that ensued, just that he said the bitch's name several times. My rage grew, but then there was calm. I thanked him. He didn't understand, and his puzzled, drunken thoughts were the last ones he ever had. I'd picked up a bottle of liquor and bashed his skull in. The hole in his head, the blood, it was arousing and cathartic... When the bottle finally broke, I stabbed him with every shard I could grasp. I was caked in his blood and when the influx of all those great feelings wore off, I began cleaning myself off and then I packed my things. I took his car and pulled over to use my phone. I went online and found the slut in a directory. She was next.
I wasn't going to prolong it, I just wanted her gone. Along with my belongings, I'd taken some knives. When I arrived at her home, I was careful to make sure there was nobody around. Desolate. Perfect for me. I rang her doorbell, she answered, and got a blade jammed in her throat. I watched her die, didn't say a word or move a muscle. It took longer than I expected. My problems were gone after that. Him, his whore and the child who died within her.
I jumped from motel to motel, figuring the police would be looking to talk to me. I'd left his car in front of her house to throw them off. Me and my few belongings weren't much to haul around. Then I was on the subway a few days later. Some fucking hotshot stuck his hand up my skirt and I felt that urge come back again. I just looked back and smiled and led him to where I was staying. We fucked, but it was horrible, he was a selfish lover. I would be his last.
After I'd cleaned up and redressed, he was ready for more. I'd had enough of him and his ego, and I climbed on top of him like I was gonna give in. I smothered him with a pillow. Again, an act that takes longer than is portrayed on TV. I continued on this path for some time, monitoring TV and the internet and changing my appearance any time even the vaguest description was released.
I would steal their money, valueables, bank cards, whatever I could to keep me going. I was shopping one afternoon and I bumped into a monk on a street corner. I apologized, but he looked at me funny. I asked him what was wrong and he backed off. He told me to get away, that I had an evil aura about me. I told him to get lost and he said that it was me who would be lost...
The man's words started resonating more and more. First it was nightmares, then noises at night. I keep hearing the voices of my victims, even that fetus cries in my head. I've been starting to develop injuries that I have no reason to have... What have I done?
~Ayame Douzan (Editor in Chief)
Dear CBD,
If you do indeed run my story, if this letter even reaches you, I apologize for the fake name and address. After you read this, I hope you will understand why I had to take these steps.
My name, for this purpose is Akemi. I like that name, I think it's pretty. The name I was given is ugly. I would like to say that there was nothing wrong with my upbringing. I had a happy childhood, both parents loved me and there was no trauma that exceeded anything that any other child would experience. If I am somehow found out, I do not want my family blamed for my misdeeds.
All of this stems from my image. I never thought I was beautiful. As a matter of fact, I was pudgy into my twenties. All of these things that we Japanese women are supposed to be, I was not. The only boys that took interest in me were all unpopular outcasts themselves. I met my husband when I was 26, he was a very kind soul. He had a modest career, but his family was wealthy and well connected. He saw my despair over how I looked, but he thought I was beautiful as I was.
I did nothing about it for the first year. However, I know him and his asshole friends were paying those whores at the hostess clubs just for their time. "Sit with me and keep the money coming. I'll tell you that you fascinate me, shove the body 30 other men helped pay for in your face and fuck you if you pay my rent." Idiot. I started talking to plastic surgeons secretly. I scheduled surgery after surgery and slowly became what I always wanted to be. He noticed at first. He loved my fake tits, the new slender body. Then he stopped caring.
I didn't understand. What was I not doing? I looked like his whores, but his interest was barely fleeting... Then the money that I was spending to look good for him became an issue. Days, weeks at a time he'd yell at me for trying to look good for him! Can you believe that? It became too much. I left for a bit, but eventually went back. After a few days of passion, it just went back to how it was. I was in the tub soaking one night and he came home from one of his clubs. He was drunk, but upset. I got out, put a robe on and asked him what was wrong. In his drunkeness, he admitted that one of his whores told him she was pregnant. Something snapped.
I stormed off in disgust. He followed, acting like I was just supposed to be okay with this. I don't remember all of the argument that ensued, just that he said the bitch's name several times. My rage grew, but then there was calm. I thanked him. He didn't understand, and his puzzled, drunken thoughts were the last ones he ever had. I'd picked up a bottle of liquor and bashed his skull in. The hole in his head, the blood, it was arousing and cathartic... When the bottle finally broke, I stabbed him with every shard I could grasp. I was caked in his blood and when the influx of all those great feelings wore off, I began cleaning myself off and then I packed my things. I took his car and pulled over to use my phone. I went online and found the slut in a directory. She was next.
I wasn't going to prolong it, I just wanted her gone. Along with my belongings, I'd taken some knives. When I arrived at her home, I was careful to make sure there was nobody around. Desolate. Perfect for me. I rang her doorbell, she answered, and got a blade jammed in her throat. I watched her die, didn't say a word or move a muscle. It took longer than I expected. My problems were gone after that. Him, his whore and the child who died within her.
I jumped from motel to motel, figuring the police would be looking to talk to me. I'd left his car in front of her house to throw them off. Me and my few belongings weren't much to haul around. Then I was on the subway a few days later. Some fucking hotshot stuck his hand up my skirt and I felt that urge come back again. I just looked back and smiled and led him to where I was staying. We fucked, but it was horrible, he was a selfish lover. I would be his last.
After I'd cleaned up and redressed, he was ready for more. I'd had enough of him and his ego, and I climbed on top of him like I was gonna give in. I smothered him with a pillow. Again, an act that takes longer than is portrayed on TV. I continued on this path for some time, monitoring TV and the internet and changing my appearance any time even the vaguest description was released.
I would steal their money, valueables, bank cards, whatever I could to keep me going. I was shopping one afternoon and I bumped into a monk on a street corner. I apologized, but he looked at me funny. I asked him what was wrong and he backed off. He told me to get away, that I had an evil aura about me. I told him to get lost and he said that it was me who would be lost...
The man's words started resonating more and more. First it was nightmares, then noises at night. I keep hearing the voices of my victims, even that fetus cries in my head. I've been starting to develop injuries that I have no reason to have... What have I done?
Cherry Blossom Diaries - The Untold Stories of Horror and Depravity (Ch. 1: Eri)
~Before we begin~ I'd like to first thank my darling, Adrasteia, for giving me the inspiration to take a crack at this writing thing. Seeing as I can't distribute artistic imagery, I'm going to do some fingerpainting with words.
I started thinking up this concept last night. I wanted to do something with some supernatural and fantasy elements, but that also had a ring of truth, too. The best thing I could come up with was a fictional magazine where readers (mostly female) told stories of horrible deeds done to them - things that no one would believe. Some of the characters do not make it, and have their stories submitted via a friend or relative that witnessed the event. The ring of truth in these stories, of course, is that a lot of these things actually happen to Japanese women and they aren't believed- I've just taken them a step (or ten) farther...
Douzo...
Dear, CBD
My name is Eriko, but most people just call me Eri. I stumbled across your publication on a whim one day. I'd heard about it, but I didn't think it was real. Upon reading over the issue I purchased several times, I've finally gathered the courage to write you and tell you my story. I hope you are a real publication and not some sick joke. As it is, people think I'm crazy and I will surely kill myself if anymore humiliation or shame is brought upon me.
I was a student at Tokyo University. Being from a rural town, this city was vey overwhelming to me at first. All the people, the noise, it was all very foreign. My parents warned me of the many dangers and unscrupulous people, but I was tired of boring country life. I should have listened. I'm back home now, I will never go back there again. It's all an illusion; the glamour, the fame, all lies. Most days, I don't leave the house. I'm afraid that they'll find me.
I was in my junior year. Even though I'd been in the city for some time, I had still not completely adjusted. I'd made some friends, even had a boyfriend for a time. I had been in the library studying for a big exam and the time got away from me. It was only when the janitor tapped me on the shoulder and told me they'd closed over an hour before that I realized how late it was. How did they forget me? Anyway, he let me out and I started home.
I was about halfway there, walking by a small park when I was approached by a man. He didn't strike me as one of them, one of the hundreds that was passing out flyers or offering girls money they couldn't turn down to do AV (adult video). I never took the offers, though the money would have helped. I knew plenty who did. Many left school with stars in their eyes, some just did it as a one time thing. Still, there were others that did it and were mocked and harassed by the guys. I'd even heard a rumor that there had been one that just disappeared entirely. I was about to become the next.
This man just looked me over a moment, it gave me a funny feeling. "You could be a very famous actress," he said. "I don't do those things, excuse me." I tried to push past him, and I thought I was in the clear, but then he shouted "I know what you think I am. It's not 'that' type of acting" to me. "Sure," I replied. "Fine. Go home and watch the next pretty girl live lavishly. Do you enjoy spending endless hours buried in books? Being forgotten about and locked in the library?" How did he know? Had he been following me?
I was very uneasy now, every fiber of my being told me to run. I did. I got to the corner, and he walked out in front of me. How? He didn't appear any different than a regular man. I froze and he approached once more. "Your refusal will not be accepted, girl!" He was seemingly very angry... "Please! I don't know what you want!" I started crying. He put his right hand under my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking right at him. He then wiped the tears from my face with the left hand. "Do you see the pretty girls on the billboards? The advertising that decorates this cesspool?" He began looking upward and around the general area, then started pointing at various advertisements with women on them.
"Unknowns, all of them. Until they had this very meeting." He started to grin. It was sinister, his teeth were yellow. There was something he wasn't saying. "I don't believe you..." I pulled away, but then he snatched me by my hair. "You don't have to. I already told you that you don't have a choice." "Let me go! Police!" No one heard me. He laughed. "I'm tiring of this. When you awake, your new life will begin" After that, darkness.
From the darkness, I awoke in a room of brilliant white. It was so intense, it hurt my eyes. Then things began to even out and come into focus. I looked around. The room was indeed white, maybe it was a drug he'd given me that made it seem so brilliant. There was nothing but a window that I couldn't see out of, like something you'd see in a police station. I then looked at myself. My clothes were gone and I started to panic. I couldn't see any visible wounds, I didn't hurt anywhere, but I was terrified that he'd done something.
It seemed like hours. Hours of nothingness and fear. Then a voice came from the other side of the window, it was female. "You've already given yourself away?" She had a tone of disappointment in her voice. "Virgins sell better, but we can still work with you." "What are you talking about?! Where am I?! What did you do to me?!" I was hysterical. Then a door opened from the wall. How did I not see it? She walked in and circled around me with her hand on her chin, pondering what to do with me, I assumed.
She was beautiful. Golden hair that stretched nearly to her feet in a black dress that hugged her body and she had a sheer silken overcoat that dragged behind her. "You girls today..." She began circling once more. "Purity is very marketable. All the young men that would want to be your first... You'd have them eating out of your hand." She walked away from me and was shaking her head in dismay. "How do you..." I noticed that my voice had changed... "You have the voice of an angel now, dear." She smirked. "Do you like it? You're going to be the biggest star in the world." She began tracing my breasts with her index finger, it was cold. "We've made you perfect in... almost... every way." She giggled and before I could say or ask anything, she made a quick motion and her hand was clutching me between my legs. Her fingernails felt like razors.
"This," she began massaging me and I let out a small sigh... "This we can do nothing about." She looked in my eyes and even though it was just my body reacting to her touch, she looked puzzled. "Are you taking pleasure in this?" Her puzzled look turned into a smirk and before I could answer, she said "You're a little whore, aren't you? You derive pleasure from anyone's touch. You're not unique, though, every girl that comes here is the same!" She pulled away quickly, even scratching me as she did so. She began to walk away. "Things are going to start happening quickly for you, get ready."
I know, my story is long, but I'm sure that my "fans" reading this already know the rest. Things did happen fast, she was not lying. Actually, a lot of things just seemed to happen. Nothing before, nothing after. Just random flashes of events, and small chunks of a life that didn't seem real. The voice they gave me led to a singing career, my body had changed into what some may refer to as perfect. I modelled, lived in a big house, took trips, it was a girl's dream.
What you fans don't know, is that the woman kept watch over me. She made sure I remained "pure." I don't know what their organization is called, or if it was just her and that man. At night, she would make me pleasure her, but she would not touch me. When she was satisfied, she'd lie next to me and tell me about all the people they'd made famous, about how powerful they were. When she'd leave, she'd say "Don't ever run." I didn't want to continue being a prisoner. I had everything but freedom and what good does it do to be lonely with material possessions? I'd rather have nothing and people to share my life with. One night, I disobeyed. I ran.
It wasn't hard to escape, I was never shackled or chained. I just slipped out of bed one evening, threw on the clothes I'd stashed under the bed during the day and fled. I've never been so nervous, my heart had never beat so fast. I didn't know who would be looking for me or if people would recognize me. It was a long way home, but I made it.
Now I live in fear. Maybe they'll find me, maybe a crazed fan will find me, I fear everything. Upon my return, my own mother didn't even recognize me. The changes I'd undergone had rendered me unrecognizable to her. I told her and my father what had happened, they didn't believe me. They knew me as the pop queen and whatever else. When things started showing up on TV that I had disappeared, I had to pay them the little bit I had available to me for their silence. I don't think they even believe I'm their daughter. I'm just the crazy celebrity that's hiding in their home.
Lastly, the women's warning about running was not a death threat in the traditional sense. The perfect looks? They're fading. Fast. I'm changing daily and it has taken all of my strength to write you. I just thought of something... Do they know about this publication? If so, I assume that man will be coming for me. I guess it's settled.
Sayonara,
Eri
I started thinking up this concept last night. I wanted to do something with some supernatural and fantasy elements, but that also had a ring of truth, too. The best thing I could come up with was a fictional magazine where readers (mostly female) told stories of horrible deeds done to them - things that no one would believe. Some of the characters do not make it, and have their stories submitted via a friend or relative that witnessed the event. The ring of truth in these stories, of course, is that a lot of these things actually happen to Japanese women and they aren't believed- I've just taken them a step (or ten) farther...
Douzo...
Dear, CBD
My name is Eriko, but most people just call me Eri. I stumbled across your publication on a whim one day. I'd heard about it, but I didn't think it was real. Upon reading over the issue I purchased several times, I've finally gathered the courage to write you and tell you my story. I hope you are a real publication and not some sick joke. As it is, people think I'm crazy and I will surely kill myself if anymore humiliation or shame is brought upon me.
I was a student at Tokyo University. Being from a rural town, this city was vey overwhelming to me at first. All the people, the noise, it was all very foreign. My parents warned me of the many dangers and unscrupulous people, but I was tired of boring country life. I should have listened. I'm back home now, I will never go back there again. It's all an illusion; the glamour, the fame, all lies. Most days, I don't leave the house. I'm afraid that they'll find me.
I was in my junior year. Even though I'd been in the city for some time, I had still not completely adjusted. I'd made some friends, even had a boyfriend for a time. I had been in the library studying for a big exam and the time got away from me. It was only when the janitor tapped me on the shoulder and told me they'd closed over an hour before that I realized how late it was. How did they forget me? Anyway, he let me out and I started home.
I was about halfway there, walking by a small park when I was approached by a man. He didn't strike me as one of them, one of the hundreds that was passing out flyers or offering girls money they couldn't turn down to do AV (adult video). I never took the offers, though the money would have helped. I knew plenty who did. Many left school with stars in their eyes, some just did it as a one time thing. Still, there were others that did it and were mocked and harassed by the guys. I'd even heard a rumor that there had been one that just disappeared entirely. I was about to become the next.
This man just looked me over a moment, it gave me a funny feeling. "You could be a very famous actress," he said. "I don't do those things, excuse me." I tried to push past him, and I thought I was in the clear, but then he shouted "I know what you think I am. It's not 'that' type of acting" to me. "Sure," I replied. "Fine. Go home and watch the next pretty girl live lavishly. Do you enjoy spending endless hours buried in books? Being forgotten about and locked in the library?" How did he know? Had he been following me?
I was very uneasy now, every fiber of my being told me to run. I did. I got to the corner, and he walked out in front of me. How? He didn't appear any different than a regular man. I froze and he approached once more. "Your refusal will not be accepted, girl!" He was seemingly very angry... "Please! I don't know what you want!" I started crying. He put his right hand under my chin and lifted my head so that I was looking right at him. He then wiped the tears from my face with the left hand. "Do you see the pretty girls on the billboards? The advertising that decorates this cesspool?" He began looking upward and around the general area, then started pointing at various advertisements with women on them.
"Unknowns, all of them. Until they had this very meeting." He started to grin. It was sinister, his teeth were yellow. There was something he wasn't saying. "I don't believe you..." I pulled away, but then he snatched me by my hair. "You don't have to. I already told you that you don't have a choice." "Let me go! Police!" No one heard me. He laughed. "I'm tiring of this. When you awake, your new life will begin" After that, darkness.
From the darkness, I awoke in a room of brilliant white. It was so intense, it hurt my eyes. Then things began to even out and come into focus. I looked around. The room was indeed white, maybe it was a drug he'd given me that made it seem so brilliant. There was nothing but a window that I couldn't see out of, like something you'd see in a police station. I then looked at myself. My clothes were gone and I started to panic. I couldn't see any visible wounds, I didn't hurt anywhere, but I was terrified that he'd done something.
It seemed like hours. Hours of nothingness and fear. Then a voice came from the other side of the window, it was female. "You've already given yourself away?" She had a tone of disappointment in her voice. "Virgins sell better, but we can still work with you." "What are you talking about?! Where am I?! What did you do to me?!" I was hysterical. Then a door opened from the wall. How did I not see it? She walked in and circled around me with her hand on her chin, pondering what to do with me, I assumed.
She was beautiful. Golden hair that stretched nearly to her feet in a black dress that hugged her body and she had a sheer silken overcoat that dragged behind her. "You girls today..." She began circling once more. "Purity is very marketable. All the young men that would want to be your first... You'd have them eating out of your hand." She walked away from me and was shaking her head in dismay. "How do you..." I noticed that my voice had changed... "You have the voice of an angel now, dear." She smirked. "Do you like it? You're going to be the biggest star in the world." She began tracing my breasts with her index finger, it was cold. "We've made you perfect in... almost... every way." She giggled and before I could say or ask anything, she made a quick motion and her hand was clutching me between my legs. Her fingernails felt like razors.
"This," she began massaging me and I let out a small sigh... "This we can do nothing about." She looked in my eyes and even though it was just my body reacting to her touch, she looked puzzled. "Are you taking pleasure in this?" Her puzzled look turned into a smirk and before I could answer, she said "You're a little whore, aren't you? You derive pleasure from anyone's touch. You're not unique, though, every girl that comes here is the same!" She pulled away quickly, even scratching me as she did so. She began to walk away. "Things are going to start happening quickly for you, get ready."
I know, my story is long, but I'm sure that my "fans" reading this already know the rest. Things did happen fast, she was not lying. Actually, a lot of things just seemed to happen. Nothing before, nothing after. Just random flashes of events, and small chunks of a life that didn't seem real. The voice they gave me led to a singing career, my body had changed into what some may refer to as perfect. I modelled, lived in a big house, took trips, it was a girl's dream.
What you fans don't know, is that the woman kept watch over me. She made sure I remained "pure." I don't know what their organization is called, or if it was just her and that man. At night, she would make me pleasure her, but she would not touch me. When she was satisfied, she'd lie next to me and tell me about all the people they'd made famous, about how powerful they were. When she'd leave, she'd say "Don't ever run." I didn't want to continue being a prisoner. I had everything but freedom and what good does it do to be lonely with material possessions? I'd rather have nothing and people to share my life with. One night, I disobeyed. I ran.
It wasn't hard to escape, I was never shackled or chained. I just slipped out of bed one evening, threw on the clothes I'd stashed under the bed during the day and fled. I've never been so nervous, my heart had never beat so fast. I didn't know who would be looking for me or if people would recognize me. It was a long way home, but I made it.
Now I live in fear. Maybe they'll find me, maybe a crazed fan will find me, I fear everything. Upon my return, my own mother didn't even recognize me. The changes I'd undergone had rendered me unrecognizable to her. I told her and my father what had happened, they didn't believe me. They knew me as the pop queen and whatever else. When things started showing up on TV that I had disappeared, I had to pay them the little bit I had available to me for their silence. I don't think they even believe I'm their daughter. I'm just the crazy celebrity that's hiding in their home.
Lastly, the women's warning about running was not a death threat in the traditional sense. The perfect looks? They're fading. Fast. I'm changing daily and it has taken all of my strength to write you. I just thought of something... Do they know about this publication? If so, I assume that man will be coming for me. I guess it's settled.
Sayonara,
Eri
Lyrics of the day...
"Do not make stupid jokes about the old man in the gown of jute, because what may look like a cliche is necessity and truth!!! Do not make stupid jokes about the old man in the crow-related cowl of jute, because by transforming himself he might be saving me and you. Do not make stupid jokes about the old man in the gown of jute, because what may look cliche is necessity and......truth!!!"
Anna Varney Cantodea. "Leeches & Deception" (La Chambre d'Echo - Where the Dead Birds Sing)
<3
~A~
Anna Varney Cantodea. "Leeches & Deception" (La Chambre d'Echo - Where the Dead Birds Sing)
<3
~A~
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Asylum Merchandise I'd like to see...
Asylum Underwear.
(Product Description):
Sick of bloomers? That thong riding your ass too tightly? Well, plague rats, we've got what you've been looking for! These babies are big, white and make what fat ass grandma wears look hot! Three sizes: Small, Medium, Large. That doesn't work? Sucks for you.
Asylum Thorazine: Is Victorian England just too damn much? Are you hearing voices and throwing shit on the other Wayward Victorian Girls? Now you don't have to wait for the orderlies to strap you down and stick a needle in your ass! Self-administer with Asylum needles and syringes (sold seperately). Buy today and get a free three pack of Asylum Adult Diapers. (You're gonna need them!)
Asylum Toilet Paper: Here at the Asylum, we offer the finest generic toilet paper money can buy. You'll get shit on your hands, but just wash away the filth and Collera with some Asylum hand sanitizer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In case you haven't realized it (you must be taking the Asylum Thorazine), I'm mocking the ridiculous merchandising of Emilie Autumn. Seriously, everything she posts online makes me want to fucking vomit... Go back to your Asylum, EA. Go there and either write an album or stick an Asylum bed sheet(TM) down your fucking throat and suffocate. Me, I'm transferring to Sanatorium Altrosa...
~A~
(Product Description):
Sick of bloomers? That thong riding your ass too tightly? Well, plague rats, we've got what you've been looking for! These babies are big, white and make what fat ass grandma wears look hot! Three sizes: Small, Medium, Large. That doesn't work? Sucks for you.
Asylum Thorazine: Is Victorian England just too damn much? Are you hearing voices and throwing shit on the other Wayward Victorian Girls? Now you don't have to wait for the orderlies to strap you down and stick a needle in your ass! Self-administer with Asylum needles and syringes (sold seperately). Buy today and get a free three pack of Asylum Adult Diapers. (You're gonna need them!)
Asylum Toilet Paper: Here at the Asylum, we offer the finest generic toilet paper money can buy. You'll get shit on your hands, but just wash away the filth and Collera with some Asylum hand sanitizer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In case you haven't realized it (you must be taking the Asylum Thorazine), I'm mocking the ridiculous merchandising of Emilie Autumn. Seriously, everything she posts online makes me want to fucking vomit... Go back to your Asylum, EA. Go there and either write an album or stick an Asylum bed sheet(TM) down your fucking throat and suffocate. Me, I'm transferring to Sanatorium Altrosa...
~A~
Sopor Aeternus - Anima I & II
These two tracks are different than a lot of the numbered songs that AVC (Anna Varney Cantodea) does in that they're not just instrumentally different. The first is kind of an intro to the second. These aren't very well known tracks, either. They're from Ehjeh Asche Ehjeh, made in 1994-95. I've got a little theory about them I'd like to share... If you put Sopor Aeternus together with Anima (it's all Latin), you get Sleep Eternal Soul. Couple that with the lyrics (and how very dark and fucked up they are!) of these tracks, and it is my belief that this is the overall theme of this entire project going forward or backward.
If you would like to make early Sopor Aeternus part of your collection and don't want to shell out insane amounts of cash for demo tapes or the early EPs, go with Like a Corpse Standing In Desperation. The first disc in the collection (they're all sold seperately, batteries not included) is all of her early demos, EPs, etc. If you get the Seasons of Mist international version, it will probably cost you about ten bucks after shipping. It's worth it for 21 tracks of rare material. The other two in the series are re-releases of Voyager and Flowers in Formaldehyde, both great and otherwise hard to find.
~A~
This is going to be ISIS if they keep fucking with Japan!
They've got ninjas, assholes! Kill one more, and you'll be dead before you even know what fucking hit you! Side note: This is the greatest game ever! :3
~A~
The best way to spot a bootleg CD
I know that CDs aren't as popular as they once were. But look around online and there are still droves of people collecting them. However, there are many that seek to deceive you into thinking they're giving you a deal, when in fact they're just some shitbag trying to sell you bunk that cost them 50 pesos...
Every CD has a catalog number and it's always listed in several places. First, check the spine of the case. On the top or bottom (sometimes both) of that strip that displays the artist/title are some letters and numbers. If you're buying something from a big mainstream label based in the US, it's most likely going to look like a pretty random sequence. But if you're buying from an indie artist or label, it's more discernable. The Japanese in particular do the catalog thing the best. For instance, a CD from Mana's Midi:Nette label would have a catalog number reading MMCD-03. Why is any of this important? Turn over your shiny disc and look around the circle where the hole is. There is usually small text and a barcode, but look closely and yep, that catalog number is there, too. Make sure it matches up, and you have just authenticated your disc. Bootleggers CANNOT duplicate that.
There's a problem, though. Rather than just hocking fake shit, these crafty fucks have set up bootleg labels and unfortunately, they have their own catalog numbers. Know what label the artist is on. If they're international artists, oftentimes they will have an affiliate deal with another record label to distribute music outside of their native land. Just do a little looking into it. If somebody is selling a 30-40 dollar CD for 10 bucks brand new, you're getting fake shit. This is incredibly prevalent on ebay.
I'm a collector. I've been sold plenty of fakes and it frustrates me to no end. If it's too good to be true, it is. Also, be on the lookout for fraudulent albums and "singles collections." Most artists have their discography (with catalog numbers, labels, etc.) on their sites. If not, discogs.com is your friend. Use it.
~A~
Every CD has a catalog number and it's always listed in several places. First, check the spine of the case. On the top or bottom (sometimes both) of that strip that displays the artist/title are some letters and numbers. If you're buying something from a big mainstream label based in the US, it's most likely going to look like a pretty random sequence. But if you're buying from an indie artist or label, it's more discernable. The Japanese in particular do the catalog thing the best. For instance, a CD from Mana's Midi:Nette label would have a catalog number reading MMCD-03. Why is any of this important? Turn over your shiny disc and look around the circle where the hole is. There is usually small text and a barcode, but look closely and yep, that catalog number is there, too. Make sure it matches up, and you have just authenticated your disc. Bootleggers CANNOT duplicate that.
There's a problem, though. Rather than just hocking fake shit, these crafty fucks have set up bootleg labels and unfortunately, they have their own catalog numbers. Know what label the artist is on. If they're international artists, oftentimes they will have an affiliate deal with another record label to distribute music outside of their native land. Just do a little looking into it. If somebody is selling a 30-40 dollar CD for 10 bucks brand new, you're getting fake shit. This is incredibly prevalent on ebay.
I'm a collector. I've been sold plenty of fakes and it frustrates me to no end. If it's too good to be true, it is. Also, be on the lookout for fraudulent albums and "singles collections." Most artists have their discography (with catalog numbers, labels, etc.) on their sites. If not, discogs.com is your friend. Use it.
~A~
Art Cube - Suna no hana (The sand blossoms) W/ Lyrics
I have to say, this song encompasses just about everything a rock song needs to be great. And moreso, it was this band's first effort. I've listened to everything Art Cube did in their short lifespan, and none of it measured up to this. Zeta (Seth in MdM, Seiji in AMADEUS) is a brilliant writer and I wish Mana would let him write some of the lyrics for MdM, because, as this proves, he can evoke some beautiful imagery. :3 Enjoy!
~A~
Doing okay.
Just wanted to let people know that the bleeding stopped completely. There were three that were rather deep, but they'll be okay, I think. I've got hydrogen peroxide, neosporin and new skin in my little self-harm first aid kit. If the deep ones don't close properly, I know how to stitch wounds and I've got gloves, sterile needles and surgical thread. I'll be fine.
I called my mom and gave her the link to the new blog. She was mortified, as you can probably imagine. She was a little upset, too, seeing as she thought she'd confiscated all my razors. I won't say where they were hidden, as she'll just take them the next time she's here. She's a lot more understanding these days. If I'd done that even just a few years ago, I would've been on a bus to the funny farm...
That's all for tonight. Must sleep now.
Over and out!
~A~
I called my mom and gave her the link to the new blog. She was mortified, as you can probably imagine. She was a little upset, too, seeing as she thought she'd confiscated all my razors. I won't say where they were hidden, as she'll just take them the next time she's here. She's a lot more understanding these days. If I'd done that even just a few years ago, I would've been on a bus to the funny farm...
That's all for tonight. Must sleep now.
Over and out!
~A~
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Just to push the other one down...
I just want to clarify that if you'd like to comment on the previous post, feel free. The people I was referring to are those that find people's suffering and bleeding sexually arousing... Anything else, fire away.
~A~
~A~
Just look...
I'm going to post a very graphic, possibly disturbing picture. If you are offended by or opposed to violence inflicted by oneself on oneself, do not scroll down the page. This is NOT art. This is NOT erotica. This is my fucking suffering! The first one of you sick cocksuckers that comes on here with a cute little comment will regret it.
I would like to thank my neighbor, Nicole, who is a reformed cutter herself and understands what I go through. She brought me some dinner and maybe it's just being around someone around my age, I don't know. Anyway, I got upset and she listened and stood by as this mess unfolded.
I would like to thank my neighbor, Nicole, who is a reformed cutter herself and understands what I go through. She brought me some dinner and maybe it's just being around someone around my age, I don't know. Anyway, I got upset and she listened and stood by as this mess unfolded.
Gaydar Overload!
Okay, so my internet is teh sux today and I'm having a little bit of a problem getting images to load, so no picture for this one. Have any of you seen this Todd Chrisley guy? Am I the only one that can see that he's a fudge packer? Seriously. Hide behind that "wife" and your Hitler Youth children, but you can't hide the fact that you take it up the ass on the reg... He dresses like a queer, acts girlier than I do, and he's got a lisp. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... Right, Judge Judy?
I know, there are straight guys with lisps. But they don't all dress like fruitcakes and whine about getting dirty. And the guy's a professional fucking liar! What he portrays on TV is a fucking sham. He's broke! He filed for bankruptcy and he lied on the applications. Is it really that far a leap to think that he plays pin cushion?
I'm not being anti-gay, I poke fun at everything I can. I'm bisexual and I can't stand the ignorant shit, the hate crimes, etc. But do you know what I am? Pro-truth. Just come out with it. If USA Network can't handle it, Bravo, WE, or whatever the gay channel is would love to have you, I'm sure. I love the guy's personality and he makes me laugh, unless that's all an act, too...
~A~
Flood of Rain - Effigy of Sin (Lyrics)
This is one of my favorite songs ever. But the lyrics don't seem to be posted anywhere! Having a more limited music collection, I've listened to Effigy quite a bit. I've got the majority of this song down perfectly, but there is a bit at the end that I'm still trying to nail down. If anyone wants to correct me, be my guest.
Flood of Rain - Effigy of Sin:
I can't recall my very name
The pieces of memory, lost in tears
I close my eyes, but cannot cry
The color of rust is all I shed
This desert of rune
Mirage of my soul
My vision is blinded by my hope
The winter of dust
The snowflakes of ashes
Falls gracefully on my skin
I spread my wings
But can't seem to fly away like we used to soar
My feathers have gone
The memory inside my head is fading with my tears
There's no need to cry
You know I'll be there for you
And always by your side
I gaze on the sky
The removal of blindfolds
And you'll sleep through my eyes
Last part is in question, still currently working on deciphering... The rest is pretty accurate. Where did you go, GPK?
~A~
Flood of Rain - Effigy of Sin:
I can't recall my very name
The pieces of memory, lost in tears
I close my eyes, but cannot cry
The color of rust is all I shed
This desert of rune
Mirage of my soul
My vision is blinded by my hope
The winter of dust
The snowflakes of ashes
Falls gracefully on my skin
I spread my wings
But can't seem to fly away like we used to soar
My feathers have gone
The memory inside my head is fading with my tears
There's no need to cry
You know I'll be there for you
And always by your side
I gaze on the sky
The removal of blindfolds
And you'll sleep through my eyes
Last part is in question, still currently working on deciphering... The rest is pretty accurate. Where did you go, GPK?
~A~
Dirty laundry...
Sorry, peoples, I gotta vent. If you read the old blog, then you know my ex/kid's father is with and fathered another child with someone else. I'm hurt, to say the very least. I'm now going to tell you things that I've never written or told a soul about.
I fulfilled this man's every fucking sexual fantasy and desire. There was not a level of depravity I would not stoop to in order to keep him happy and by my side. Costumes, lingerie, toys, bondage, whatever the fuck he dreamed up, I did it to the best of my ability.
I offered him another child, he didn't want one. I was willing to go through that fucking hell again and he turned me down several times. I think I've mentioned my weight fluctuations before, and he couldn't fucking stand it. The verbal abuse and threats to leave me if I didn't lose it had me a paranoid mess of nerves every time I had extra weight on me. I'd go days without food and I'd make him whatever he wanted and even though he'd tell me to eat, I wouldn't...
There was a lot of fighting, especially when the drugs pretty much became what I was living for. When it got really bad, he'd threaten to call the cops on me and tell them that my parental rights had been terminated and that I wasn't supposed to be around our son.
I'm not saying that all of it was bad, it wasn't. I wouldn't trade the happy times for anything in the world. I just wonder if he gets this new girl so stoned that she can't consent and, essentially, rapes her while she barely knows where she is... Oops...
~A~
I fulfilled this man's every fucking sexual fantasy and desire. There was not a level of depravity I would not stoop to in order to keep him happy and by my side. Costumes, lingerie, toys, bondage, whatever the fuck he dreamed up, I did it to the best of my ability.
I offered him another child, he didn't want one. I was willing to go through that fucking hell again and he turned me down several times. I think I've mentioned my weight fluctuations before, and he couldn't fucking stand it. The verbal abuse and threats to leave me if I didn't lose it had me a paranoid mess of nerves every time I had extra weight on me. I'd go days without food and I'd make him whatever he wanted and even though he'd tell me to eat, I wouldn't...
There was a lot of fighting, especially when the drugs pretty much became what I was living for. When it got really bad, he'd threaten to call the cops on me and tell them that my parental rights had been terminated and that I wasn't supposed to be around our son.
I'm not saying that all of it was bad, it wasn't. I wouldn't trade the happy times for anything in the world. I just wonder if he gets this new girl so stoned that she can't consent and, essentially, rapes her while she barely knows where she is... Oops...
~A~
In the time of chimpanzees there was a monkey...
So they had that Grammy awards thing the other night. Funny, I didn't even know it was on... Beck, an artist that I've always adored, won album of the year. I didn't even know he had a new album out, but that's beside the point. Apparently, sometime during or after he won the award, Kanye West decided to make a big stink because he thought Beyonce should have won. This isn't the first time Mr. West has done something like this. Remember "George Bush hates black people!"? I don't disagree that the former president does indeed hate the darker folk, but this time it's just plain rude.
Why didn't Beck deserve that award? Because he doesn't provide you with spank music videos when your fat assed wife is on the rag? He didn't sell enough records? No, it's because he's white. Kanye West is one of many rich, black celebrities that won't let go of the whole "Whitey is holding me down" thing. Do you really think your words resonate with people who ARE struggling. Yeah, you got it so rough, hon. You can run your fucking mouth about whitey, the struggle, and the ghetto all you want. You don't mind taking his record deals, endorsements and everything else he throws at you, do you?
Beck is never in the spotlight anymore. The man is actually an artist. You know, he writes his songs, his music and now that he gets recognized, he doesn't deserve it?! Who the fuck are you? You don't have a third of the time he's put into the music industry, and you don't have half the fucking talent.
You're a loser, and somebody should kill you.
~A~
Why didn't Beck deserve that award? Because he doesn't provide you with spank music videos when your fat assed wife is on the rag? He didn't sell enough records? No, it's because he's white. Kanye West is one of many rich, black celebrities that won't let go of the whole "Whitey is holding me down" thing. Do you really think your words resonate with people who ARE struggling. Yeah, you got it so rough, hon. You can run your fucking mouth about whitey, the struggle, and the ghetto all you want. You don't mind taking his record deals, endorsements and everything else he throws at you, do you?
Beck is never in the spotlight anymore. The man is actually an artist. You know, he writes his songs, his music and now that he gets recognized, he doesn't deserve it?! Who the fuck are you? You don't have a third of the time he's put into the music industry, and you don't have half the fucking talent.
You're a loser, and somebody should kill you.
~A~
This... This was supposed to break the net?
Look at that, won't you? What fucking planet was I on when some ugly gypsy or whatever the fuck, with a bulbous, fat ass rose to a level of stardom that she would even in jest make that kind of prediction?! (Well, she is a gypsy...) I know HOW she got famous, I just cannot figure out for the life of fucking christ how her and her fucking family have become part of the fabric of American culture! All they do is fuck! Where are the lynch mobs looking for this bitch? Where are the good ol'boys ready to chop that monstrosity off her backside and feed it to Billy Joe Bob Henry Frank and Peggy Sue with the gimp leg?! Come on guys! She's destroying the moral fiber of your country! And she fucks black guys to boot! Isn't there something in the bible about that?! Disappointing to say the least, Farmer Fred...
I've seen the pictures, the sex tapes, vomitted, watched thirty seconds of their stupid show, contemplated suicide and then I decided she should be dead, not me. Oh, and North is her child's name. North... Probably her favorite direction to face while even the biggest, blackest dick tries to find it's way through that mess of... whatever.
I want to stab it with two big pins and watch her buzz around in fart circles until she explodes. Pfffffffffttttttttttt!!!!!! BOOM!!!
~A~
Monday, February 9, 2015
If you're easily offended... FUCKING RUN!!!!
This is my new blog. If you used to follow the old one, I don't know, yay?! This time there's no music links, so that kills off about 99 percent of you fucks, doesn't it? For my one true friend, love of my life that I cannot have, I say thank you. Also, it is completely your call as to whether or not you want to link this toilet to your respectable blog.
Now then... The colors might be kinda cutesy and girly, that was intentional. However, seeing as I have a year worth of twisted thoughts, pent-up rage, and sexual urges that no amount of masturbation can appease, I'm going to be posting A LOT of shit here. My imagination and the power of zeh intrawebz is the limit. (And the laws that govern this nation, of course. Some of the shit that I COULD put here will land me in fucking Guantanamo...) So stay tuned. Leave. I'm gonna have FUN!!!
~A~
Now then... The colors might be kinda cutesy and girly, that was intentional. However, seeing as I have a year worth of twisted thoughts, pent-up rage, and sexual urges that no amount of masturbation can appease, I'm going to be posting A LOT of shit here. My imagination and the power of zeh intrawebz is the limit. (And the laws that govern this nation, of course. Some of the shit that I COULD put here will land me in fucking Guantanamo...) So stay tuned. Leave. I'm gonna have FUN!!!
~A~
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