Life Deforming: Trying to escape this rut...

Friday, July 24, 2015

Trying to escape this rut...

I've been feeling pretty shitty about my appearance since I had my surgery. I've been in so much pain and so focussed on getting better that the way I look has just been a non-issue. I spend most days in leggings or shorts and t-shirts. I usually put on makeup in the morning, but I rarely end up reapplying or touching it up during the day. I know that I'm doing the right thing by putting my health first, but I just feel like I've let myself go recently.

I've been dealing with quite a bit of depression because of this, along with several other things, including the fact that my meds aren't keeping me as stable as they once were. I'm tired of dwelling on it, so I got up this morning and fucking did something about it.

Pink wig decorated, did my eyebrows, put on fake lashes, lip gloss and one of my lolita dresses that I usually reserve for Rainbow Hime. I feel more like me today than I have been lately. My mom is taking me out to dinner tonight, so I'll be wearing this for that. I also plan on taking Lacebun to Yamato Steakhouse, where we went on our first real date, when she gets back. :3 What will I wear for that? It's a surprise!

...Because I don't even know yet! XD

Reibun~

3 comments:

AdraJuly 24, 2015 at 5:36 PM
You look awesome! I'm glad you're feeling better about your appearance, darling. I feel your med pain... We are trying another new anti-anxiety med, and I've already forgotten its name... Hopefully that does something. Another ride on the Meddy-go-Round or whatever. I love your look today. You always look fantastic to me. <3 Gonna post your art to Pinterest now. I love you! xo
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LacebunJuly 24, 2015 at 9:12 PM
I 100% agree with Adrabun! You look amazing today, sweetie! :) I know you haven't felt good lately, but please believe me when I say that you are beautiful no matter what. Inside and out! <3 I'm very excited about our date and I just might have to buy something special to wear for it and for after. Hehe. God you look cute! I'm very in the mood for a little something... Call me!!! Love you! XOXO
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Reibun~July 24, 2015 at 11:28 PM
You two are so awesome to me... :3 I'm sorry you're having to ride the Meddy-go-Round (love that term, btw) again, darling... *Hugs* Hopefully it'll help and won't require two dozen changes. And can you please tell them to go to bed, Usagi? I really want you bad, too and I'm all sexied up for you! :3

Reibun~
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Mad As Hell

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be! We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone." Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first, you've got to get mad. You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!" So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!!" - Howard Beale "Network"