How to beat up an asshole...

So I just wanted to go see my kitty and her little buddy. Mommy, too, of course. I drove there in the rain and her and her boyfriend's cars were there. I went in and he was losing it on her about something. She was in tears and I just can't have any more of that. I asked what was going on and he looked at me all enraged and shit. "Get out you fucked up little psycho!" WUUUTTTT?! What the fuck did I do to deserve that?

I stood there a moment, he called my mom a no good old slut, and then I started closing in on him and telling him how fucking dare he say that shit to her. When I got near him, he grabbed me by my hair (Ruining a perfectly good organized/messy thing that I'd put together. The fucking nerve!) and told me to shut up and get out. Then, like a gentleman, he began escorting me to the door with my hair still in hand.

I tripped over my crooked feet and fell down. Didn't hurt or anything, it actually provided me with the nutshot I needed to bring him down, so that's what I did. I planted a fist in his ball bag, hard as I could and he hunched over in pain. Before he could recover, I was back on my feet and I gave him two swift, hard kicks in the jewels and then he fell to his knees. No kids for you, sweetheart. Then I kicked him in his fucking mouth. If I didn't have these crooked stems, I'd have made my mom a necklace out of his pearly whites. Instead, I lost my balance and just made his lip gush blood. It was worth it.

He left and threatened to sue me. Good luck! Fucking musclehead got beat up by his girlfriend's skinny ass daughter. Can you see that in court? XD Spent the rest of my time there calming my mom down and finding out what started it. She was talking to a guy online and he got jealous. He'd been going through her phone and found some texts he didn't like. Had he bothered to ask, she'd have told him that what he found was just a playful conversation with a gay guy that makes clothes, too. Oh, and he lives in England! Moron... Threw away a great catch for stupid, misplaced jealousy.

Oh, and I saw all the pics he sent her and some other stuff I could've done without. He wasn't tiny, but it's not exactly anything to write home about, either. Love you, mom! You can do better!