My "boyfriend" who didn't make it.

Experienced a minor bit of ignorance/intolerance today. I think you know where I stand with shit like that. This culture that is so fucking pious is actually incredibly sick. It is obsessed with sex, yet at the same time pretends to be disgusted when a sex scandal breaks or some fucking starlet's nipple pops out on TV. You can't have it both ways. Gays, lesbians and all the rest are people. That should be first and fucking foremost, but it is not. These sick fucks are the ones that propogate the stereotypes and fear. I'm going to tell you a little story of a person I knew as a teenager that was so afraid of being outed and honest with himself, he lived a lie with me.

His name was Drew and I met him when I was in the art club in high school. He was kinda tall and lanky, awkward as all of us art dweebs were. Nobody talked to the poor kid much. I just started doing projects with him and we got friendly. I might've been 15, but I knew he didn't like girls. Then he invited me to his house one weekend and this fucking shit spiral began.

His parents fucking lit up like a Christmas tree when they saw him with me. I think they had suspicions about him being gay and seeing him with a female eased them. I knew about him, but I didn't know I was his "girlfriend" in the eyes of his family. I was furious inside at first, but then we were watching TV and his dad pulled him aside (never learned why) but when he sat next to me again, he looked relieved, like he'd lost a weight he'd been shackled to for years. I played along.

He was cool about it at first, just wanting to hold hands, hug, get a kiss in public every now and then. Then people started asking questions about what was going on behind closed doors, his father asked if he'd fucked me for godsakes... I wouldn't go there. I'd do whatever he wanted otherwise, but I wasn't gonna let him tell people intimate shit about me or have him taking nudie pics and showing them around. I had a few relationships in my teens, prior to whatever this was, I lost my virginity at 14. Enough had been said. And as far as the pics, there weren't ever any, but this was before digital cameras and you couldn't just delete them or email and complain.

I dumped his ass. He was getting too demanding. I was also hurting my chances with people I wanted a real relationship with by doing this shit. He was destroyed by it. His family even called and asked me to reconsider. He was also terrified that I was gonna expose him, even though I promised I wouldn't when I ended it. He ran away the next year. I learned that he ended up sleeping on the streets and got beaten to death over debts and drugs.

Do I blame myself? I did. Not anymore. This is what our society forces people to do. Fuck who you're supposed to fuck or become a laughing stock and get snuffed out. Jesus would be proud of his followers...

Rei~