Life Deforming: Teh Win!

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Teh Win!

Just got back from taking Laceybug to work and as I was pulling in, Cuntbag ran up to my car and was all "You can have him you fucking whore! I knew it! You girls move into the neighborhood and he's after you like flies on shit!" She was all emotional. "Huh? What are you talking about?" "You're having an affair with my husband!" "That stuff I told you? I was just blowing off steam. I'm 100% lesbian." "He brought in the stuff from his car and I caught him hiding it! Letters and underwear." "Oh? Were the letters signed?" "By you! Lindsay!" (She's been calling me Lindsay since we got here. Yeah, I dunno.) *Shows her my license and watches her face droop...lower* "What the fuck?! I am SO sorry! I've gotta go. Who the fuck is Lindsay? It's not your wife is it?" "No, her name is Lacey." "I'll talk to you later, he's done this before, I just gotta go now..." *Storms off*

And the award goes to...

Kim Kardashian!

Can't win them all, but this victory was sweet! I didn't want the Fat Assed Gypsy of the Year award anyway. Old people are wiser in some respects, but senility sets in and you forget things easily. We were a threat to her, it's pretty fucking obvious. The way she reacted after I said that shit to her yesterday made it crystal clear. My actual name wasn't important enough to remember, but Lindsay was in her head for whatever reason. I guarandamntee you she's over there thinking "Lindsay? I must've heard him say it before..." Yes, I AM just that fucking calculated and amazing. Now I've gotta teach Kimmy to walk and chew gum so she can take a video of it... Yeah, let's just go to this alley here...

Rei~

3 comments:

LacebunMay 19, 2015 at 1:20 PM
You're my hero in oh so many ways, but this just put you beyond that... Like, deity status! ♥♥♥ You are dangerously brilliant and I hope I never get those gears turning for the wrong reasons. lol I love you so much and I wanna do everything to you right fucking now! Stupid work... I will properly worship you all night tonight! hehe ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ XOXO
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AdraMay 19, 2015 at 2:35 PM
This. Is. Fantastic. I love you so much. You ARE an evil genius! You were right. I am in awe. Jam some of your evil geniusness into that wand so I can have some too! XD
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Reibun~May 19, 2015 at 6:34 PM
*Bows* Arigato gozaimasushita! As of typing this, her husband hasn't returned home this evening. XD I don't believe in "don't get mad, get even". I get psychotic and get evil. Hm, that needs work, me thinks... Love you both and thank you for your devout worship! And thanks to Laceybug for giving me an orgasm in a Dunkin Donuts bathroom! hehehe! *Goes to reciprocate* :33333
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Mad As Hell

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be! We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone." Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first, you've got to get mad. You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!" So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!!" - Howard Beale "Network"